There is a verse that has stood out to me in new ways recently. Actually, it has stopped me dead in my tracks. It is a simple verse in the middle of a simple story in the middle of a complex and heart-wrenching time in the life of Christ.

It’s a story you you know. Before Jesus is betrayed by Judas, he is anointed by a woman and her jar of perfume. And she is side-eyed and judged and rebuked. But, I love the simple phrasing the NIV uses, when Jesus literally says of her, “She did what she could.” (Mark 14:8)

And he honors that act of worship.

Yes, I have made mistakes living in Haiti. And I have had to make decisions that were weighty and unfair.

I recently witnessed a man (that we know pretty well in our small community) turned away from our clinic because his needs were beyond our capacity to treat and he didn’t have the money needed to get the treatment at a different hospital. If we had had more money, we could have helped, but we also didn’t have enough. So, I had to say no. And he died.

As a missionary, sometimes it is my place to intervene, and sometimes I have to look away and move on. And it feels harsh and cruel. Haiti is a harsh place.

Other moments are pure magic, and I try to share those when I can. I get the honor of holding a new baby and being asked to be her godmother. (Yes, I know that’s because I’m white and they think I have money, but let me have my moment here, ok!?!)

Walking out onto the school grounds and being greeted by a hundred “Kah-tee”s brings joy to my soul in ways I never expected! Building sweet little friendships with the grandchildren of the elders and the children at Grace Church, these have become my moments of worship. These are the things I can do, somedays the only things I can do. And that is where my responsibility lies, in doing what I can do.

Last weekend, I attended a women’s conference with several of our female Healing Haiti staff. The theme was “Mennen’m”, “Lead Me”. It was an incredible time of worship and teaching, but what I loved most was spending time around these women who inspire me on every single day.

Without divulging too much personal information, I have watched them selflessly give when their own hearts were broken so many times. I’ve witnessed them care for children and elders sacrificially, giving more than they had. I watch them come to work, even when they are scared.

They aren’t new to harsh times in Haiti. They’ve lost family. They’ve worked hard and loved hard and worshiped with all they have. They did what they could. They consistently do what they can.

And they raise their hands and joyfully surrender in the middle of it. Yes, lead me like that too, Lord.

Then there is my sister, who is my encourager, via silly GIFs on WhatsApp mostly. But we share our horror stories too. And last night she sent me this because I was stressed:

“The kingdom is not in trouble and neither and I.” So I will do what I can.