I haven’t blogged in a while and I’ve considered retiring this account. But Haiti is still an enormous part of my life so I may pop on here from time to time.

 

“Well I bet you’re glad you’re not there now, huh?” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this sentiment over the past few months, well… I would have some additional income.

 

I’m not mad when people ask this. I do feel relief on some levels to be honest. Living in Haiti was difficult and circumstances there put you on constant high alert, never knowing when it is “safe” to be out on the roads any given day, always aware that the resources available just aren’t enough for the people who need them. I am glad to be in America. But I’m not glad to be gone from Haiti.

 

My friends are suffering. And I want to be with them. 

 

For those of you who may not know, I don’t live in Haiti anymore. I submitted my resignation last winter already, feeling the promptings of the Holy Spirit and my own heart to be more available to my family back here in the states and to step away from living in Haiti full time. But it took a few months to make the move. Let me throw a quick timeline at you:

 

Fast forward to this past summer…

 

July 3^rd, I got on an airplane and flew back to Minnesota.

 

July 7^th, I woke up to messages from friends in Haiti. The president had been assassinated.

 

July 16^th, I dropped my dad off at the ER, not realizing he was critically ill with Covid and that I would spend the next week delivering things back and forth between my parents’ house and the nurses’ station at the hospital. (He recovered miraculously quickly after returning home btw.) 

 

Every day Haiti was heavy on my heart. Then in August, there was an earthquake. And a hurricane. And the constant stories of insecurity.

 

It was late August before I started feeling comfortable job hunting and reclaiming what I wanted to do with my time.

 

Somewhere in this mess I also bought a bike and started posting a million sunrise photos to facebook. One even got featured on the local news!

 

Within a few weeks and a couple interviews… I decided to the surprise of everyone, including myself, that I would return to my old office, working admin for a financial advisory firm, and having my sister be my supervisor again. The biggest draw (besides the amazing coworkers) was the flexibility to still travel when I wanted and the offer to work remote two days a week.

 

I worked exactly two part-time days, with the promise to return to a full-time work schedule the beginning of October.

 

I booked a ticket and visited Haiti. 

 

It was a quick check in of a trip, and I took as many precautions as I could, spending my entire three and a half days in country either on campus or very close to it. I delivered a few supplies, I hugged a lot of necks, and I was able to establish the best I could that I am invested in the elders, the children, and so many friends I have made there.

 

The stories I heard from my Haitian coworkers made it clear, that although the unrest had been past its boiling point for a while, the kidnapping had escalated dramatically even since July. Everyone seems to know someone or at least knows someone who knows someone who has been taken and held for ransom.

 

And then I came back home and jumped headfirst into that busy American lifestyle of always needing to be more places than I can realistically get to in time. And that is where I currently abide, cautiously unpacking suitcases and visiting all the coffee shops I can. I’m living at my parents’ house half the week and renting a room from a friend in the metro area the other half of the week.

 

And then this past weekend, an entire bus full of my neighbors was kidnapped in Haiti. And I didn’t post to social media about it, originally to try and protect those involved, but as the media has run wild with the story, I still haven’t had any idea what to say.

 

I don’t know anyone in this group personally. I’m sure I’ve interacted with some of them. We eat at the same pizzeria. We lived and work in the same community.

 

The ex-pat community in Haiti is small and closely connected. We are all reeling, we all feel this.

 

And I hate that I had an ugly gut reaction to judge those families who were kidnapped for being somewhere unwise, for being in an unsafe area, for being different from me and making decisions I wouldn’t have made.

 

Because I also tend to put myself at risk for people I love. We all do.

 

I pray for them and their families. I pray for their courage and strength. I feel the fear, I feel the waiting. It could easily have been me or some of my friends.

 

I always hold to the thought that, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, if God leads me to a place of danger, I’m in none. And even if I am, I’m not alone. I pray for my brothers and sisters in captivity in Haiti tonight that they will see that fourth man in the fire with them each moment.

I pray for the gang leaders too. Because the Bible says to love our enemies. But also because when I pray for the gangsters, I feel God’s grace and affection for them. This world is a messed up place, but God’s love for each individual doesn’t falter. And I am eternally grateful for it.

Haiti is not a simple place. Sure evil is visible. And so much falls to gray areas of what people will do out of desperation. We pray for a brighter future for the children watching this all unfold.

 

I don’t think I am wrapping up to a clean point here. No, I don’t feel glad that I’m not in Haiti. But I do feel God has been directing my steps along the way. So, wherever I am and whatever I feel, I am glad, I am joyful because He is with me.